Sharing about the loss of a lamb is heavy and sucks. But, we feel it’s made us better shepherds. by Chad
It’s a Wednesday afternoon, I’m in California for work. Walking through the Sacramento airport with colleagues and friends. Just through security I get a phone call, then a face time – “Chad, a lamb is dead.”. As I stand in line at a restaurant staring down at my phone, live on Facetime – Jeana and Jackson at the scene… my friend standing next to me – seeing what I see, a dead lamb next to the feeder. The background noise is so loud and Jeana and Jackson needing to remove the lamb – we hang up, Jeana planning to call me back… so there I sit, in the airport, deliberating on “what could possibly have gone wrong?”. And, dreading my job when I return, digging the lamb’s grave.
The idea for this week’s blog hit me. Another metaphor. What’s a treatment for perfectionism and control? A farm. What do dead sheep – who you love – overwhelming coddling moth in apples, frozen buds in grapes all do. Besides make you want to throw up. 1st they affect your psychology. 2nd, they affect your livelihood.
Jeana’s call, then Facetime last week. Choked up, not knowing what had happened. “What do we do?” Luckily one of the boys was home. Jeana and I talked through what to do. Jackson was there to help. She’d have to get the big, one of our earliest born lamb’s (now dead) out of the pen – without letting the dogs out. With Jackson’s help they were able to move the lamb and put it in a spot for me to bury when I get home.
It’s so hard to lose an animal. It’s even harder not knowing why. We’re so fortunate to have some amazing friends – retired veterinarian, ex veterinarian, retired shepherd (1,000’s of sheep), high school ag teacher… to help sort things out. Our conclusion. Enterotoxemia. Or, overeating disease. Little did we know, or we underestimated what a feed change would do…. In February, getting low on hay, we reached out to Wayne, near Twisp. He was out of hay. He recommended another hay producer. 24 bales. It seemed great, we’d have a back up in the future. It turned out the feed was older, not as high quality. We fed it to the flock for ~3 weeks. When I left for work, we were back to the remainder of Wayne’s hay – the good hay. Essentially the sheep’s stomachs were shocked – going from “ok” feed, to rich in protein feed. And for a lamb, the results can be devastating. The learning is hard. But it’s a learning we won’t soon forget. So far – almost two weeks later – everyone seems ok.
I said I’d talk about psychology. There’s a cascade of thoughts – oh my gosh – what happened – oh my gosh – are more going to die – oh my gosh. These beautiful sheep who are so reliant on us, I have to protect them. Oh my gosh, if we lose more this will put us out of the sheep business. Oh no, people are really just starting to see how good grass-fed grass finished lamb can be. What do we do…?
It’s pretty scary losing an animal like this – it feels like a complete loss of control. There’s a lot farmers can’t control. Coddling moth has taken 60% of our apple crop the last two years. Two brutal winters reduced our grape yields substantially. You plan, you use the best resources (Wilbur Jim) and you still get knocked down. I’ve realized, if I’m not careful, it’s more than a cure for perfectionism – it’s starting to question – Am I cut out for this? Gosh – maybe God is telling me something? But a wise farming friend told me. “Chad, you’re not trying to “beat” mother nature by producing the most or being perfect, you’re trying to learn how to work “with” mother nature, then you can strive for consistency.”
I’ve learned if I’m not careful, my own psychology can take me down the wrong road. “Oh – we’re going to lose our lambs,” or “Oh, man, people are going to be so disappointed about our coddling moth mess.” If I am careful, I focus on what we can control. For the sheep – jump into action, provide fresh mineral, vaccine updates, do a feed evaluation. For the coddling moth – get a plan with Wilbur Jim to annihilate them. For the cold winters – pray and trust in God’s plan.
Yes, last week we lost a lamb. But, this week we’re better shepherds.
As always – we appreciate you all!
